What's Next?

Is it July 30? I'm not sure.

I know for a fact it is Friday, 3:30 p.m. I just brushed my teeth. I woke up around 11:30. I made pancakes. I laid on the couch in my sun-drenched apartment and read for a while. I drank coffee that I didn't need, because I've been on one couch or another for four hours. I attempted to cook curried zucchini. It was TERRIBLE.

The 12 hour days began Monday! It was fine. I was so delirious, that by Wednesday night, when an old ajushi smoking in the stairwell grunted, "Hey gorgeous" I responded with, "Hi dad." Sorry dad. He didn't remind me of you. It's just he was old enough to be my dad and it's the first thing that popped in my head so I said that.

I feel like I'm waiting for something. To go home. But sometimes I listlessly wonder, what's there? Everything that matters, of course. But when will any of my dreams come to fruition? How many years will I have a stifled social life and ever-present anxiety because of student loans? How many songs will I write before anyone hears the words? When will I end up in India?

I'm leaving in two hours to go on a church retreat. These are the only things I was told: Bring a blanket, because it might get cold (don't have one), corn farm, swim in a creek but not in a bathing suit (typical), give food out to villagers (I can't communicate with them, but that's nothing new), let's talk around a fire.

I'm sure I'll return with some sort of weird story.

Last Saturday we got stuck in Seoul. We missed the last train home, of course. We stayed in a public bathhouse (jimjilbang). It actually had beds! I slept better there than I have in a long time- I think because I was surrounded by my friends. I won't miss living alone.

There's this huge music festival I want to go to Sunday but it's too expensive and too far and I work at 9:30 Monday morning. My friend Michael is in Japan and I'm jealous. But- why should I be- I could've gone if I wanted after my contract ran out. I could also go Sunday if I really wanted. Those are all amusing thoughts.

James Brown just came on shuffle. Good thing for that! My plant is dying and I'm trying to resuscitate it. I don't think it's coming back though.

The end.