Cocaine and Today's Child.

I'm about to let you in on something that I'm sure you've always wanted.

My stream of consciousness.

Walking home tonight from work and women's group (a glorious 12 hour day), here are some of the things I was thinking. (~~~~ represents lapses.)

~~~~~Korea, I'm not gonna let you get the best of me. I see what you want. You want me to do report cards tonight. Well, I'm not a drunk Korean businessman. I don't make enough money to work this hard. I'm not gonna work. I will BEAT THE SYSTEM. ~~~~~ I will BEAT THE SYSTEM. I won't work. ~~~~~ Oww this fried chicken. I feel gross. I want some fruit. I ate it all at work. Will that pineapple be bad tomorrow?~~~~ I'll do report cards. I'll get home and knock 'em out. I'll SHOW YOU Korea. I'll show YOU.~~~ My exam for my online class is Friday. ~~~ I'm a week behind. Friday. ~~~~ But I'm going to mudfest on Saturday. Tim's last night is Friday. ~~~~ Ok report cards. Thank God I work at a job where I can just make up the grades. I'll make them up. If I like the student, I'll give them an A. I like Kate. ~~~~~ Just A's and B's. Seriously, comments? I write the same thing every time. Could I copy paste them?~~~ TRASH! I DON'T WANT TO BRING IT HOME TONIGHT!!~~~~~~~People work so hard in Korea. But I said after college I wouldn't work hard. Are we working hard? Today I told Meagan we were but, that was because I haven't graded any essays ~~~~~ essays. I'll do those this weekend.~~~~~ I'll write in my blog.~~~

And this was my idea for my blog.

* Ways that I may possibly have contracted Hepatitis A in the past two days: *

1. Eating the sausage-on-a-stick Rachel offered me today. The part she bit off of.

2. When Amy touched my eyelashes, smelled her finger, and touched them again.

3. Eating that cheese off of my floor last night. (But it was Camembert!)
4. Eating french fries from the bag all other eight students were sticking their hands in.

And then I thought NO, I will do report cards. In fact, at this very moment, my grade sheet is beside my laptop. So, I went to my school's website, logged in, clicked on my first class, and

DO YOU KNOW WHAT NAME IS FIRST ON THE LIST?

COCAINE!

THAT'S RIGHT! CHARLIE WASN'T KIDDING ABOUT CHANGING HIS NAME!

Lately the fourth-graders have been plugging their English names into their Korean dictionaries. I don't know WHAT the dictionaries are saying, but it may have been why Christina tried to change her name to Luna. (Until I called her X-Tina, and everyone realized how awesome that was.) Monday, I went around the room and firmly told them why their English names were good.

"Chuck, that's my aunt's nickname."

"Mark, I have an uncle named Mark. He's cool. No, it's not cool in here. Cool means good."

"Jason, my cousin's name is Jason. Can you believe he lived in Korea for a year?!?"

"Judy, that's my grandma's name. Yes, really."

"Emily.... I had a friend named Emily."

"Kate, you too. I know someone named Kate."

"Jenny, your name is just great."

"Charlie, that's my dog's name. He's a good dog."

Charlie did his characteristic "WHAT!?!?", leapt from his chair, and flung himself about until I started giving the other students points for being in their seat. The class was roaring with laughter, but whatever, the noise level in there gives me a headache most days. Here are the things we've discussed in just this week.

1. Why you shouldn't do the Hitler pose. Hitler was a very bad person. Yes, he used to be an artist, but he killed so many people. Maybe the gas was purple. I don't know. He killed them because they were different. Oh? Killing is funny? Remember what Japan did to Korea? AND we're done.

2. Why you shouldn't laugh at the picture of the kid with cleft palate. This is an ad (in the Southern Living magazine Grandma sent me) about kids in poor countries, you can send them money. You know Tim teacher? Yeah, he had this. You want to laugh at him? No, that's what I thought.

3. Please put your middle finger down. If I see it again, that's a line on your card. Mark, don't cry, just tell Judy you're sorry. Judy, you need to say sorry because you kicked him.

4. We are making a class soup. This is to go along with our Ugly Vegetables story. No, you may not put "toilet" in the soup. You may also not put cocaine.

5. Charlie, do you know what cocaine is? Yes, it's very bad medicine. Stop screaming that. Ok. move seats.

6. Judy, are you a baby? No. Stop crying like that. If I wanted to teach babies I'd be in a baby school. You guys are in elementary school. I don't want to hear you whine. Monday I told you you'd have these seats because everyone was wild.

7. Charlie, if you scream "cocaine" one more time, I'm going to hug you. *Approach slowly, arms outstretched* Yes, thank you.

8. Yes, we are getting a new teacher. He's a boy. Tim is leaving because he finished one year. Yes, I'm leaving too. Do I want to leave? Well, not you guys but, I miss home. I haven't seen my mom for a year. Yeah.

They were SO WILD today that at the end of class, I gave everyone who did not scream a piece of chocolate. (So much screaming. Why. Why? OH YEAH. Their summer vacation started today. OH, if only I had one of those.....) 5 of the eight students were munching on their chocolates when a few accusing fingers pointed to Chuck. HE SCREAMED! HE SCREAMED ONE TIME TODAY! Chuck swiftly unwrapped the chocolate and popped it in his mouth. He then smiled his dimpled smile, squinted his eyes, and rubbed his belly. "Did he really scream?" I said, exasperated, looking around at the fierce-eyed children. "YES!" shouted Emily. "THAT ONE TIME---- incomprehensible English follows". Chuck's eyes widened. I knew it was true. I swatted the trashcan up and held it under his face. "Spit it out." He looked at me, sucking as hard as he could on the still-fresh piece of chocolate. "Did you scream? I don't remember." He looked at me from under his eyebrows. "Chocolate. Out."

(From left to right: Chuck (in a blanket he wore as a toga, he complains the classroom is cold), Jason, Mark)

And that is how I gave one child a half-piece of chocolate.

Now, onto the point. The point of why I'm not doing report cards.

Charlie is what we would call a special child. He has long hair that he often spikes up to make a huge smurf-point on top of his head (in need of a wash, perhaps?) He recently broke his middle finger a few weeks ago, so that the accusations of his holding it up are debatable, at best. He can't help but hold out that huge cast when he writes. For a few weeks he wrote on a ratty strip of paper, "Me no read" and held it above his head whenever it was time for class reading. He is always forcefully falling out of his chair, pretending to strangle somebody, or screaming at the top of his lungs.

Today, it was "cocaine." He was screaming it all day. Screaming something about changing his name. I rolled my eyes and kept writing soup ingredients on the board. "Never," I said. "That's a drug. I will NOT call you cocaine."

How do you manage a child like this, you ask? Simple. You move his chair. You put him in the middle of a group of girls. He then becomes as docile as a baby tiger who has just had its fill of milk and steak bits. He is contentedly attentive and pleased to learn.

What went wrong today? Summer vacation, I think. Anyways, the gradesheet. DOES OUR KOREAN STAFF NOT KNOW WHAT COCAINE IS? Perhaps not? Drugs are very rare here, as the prison sentence is probably 20+ years (although domestic abuse and public drunkenness are perfectly acceptable). So, me, trying to be good, trying to do my report cards, when I'm exhausted (the only energy is from the Diet Coke I flew down to grab during a break today) have to start with a child named "Cocaine." And really, the problems that represents- with English academies, with going to school in the summer, with kids I'd rather be playing with outside than trying to tame in a classroom from 4-6 pm, leaves me.... too amused to work.

I'm going to try though. I give myself an hour limit. After that... I guess I should do math (did I mention I'm taking an online GRE prep course, although in a few months I may be too crazy to function in society)....