Zoo vs. Jew
From top to bottom, left to right:1. Ansan at night.
2. I love the fashion here.
3. The downstairs of my apartment.
4. My bed loft
5. Canned coffee: a staple alternative.
The title of this blog refers to the daily practice I have with my middle school class."Zooooo."
"Jewww!"
" Zoooooo."
"Jewww!"
" Zooooo. I say then you say, zooooo."
" Jew."
Also, dear Jen, my promise of
I am currently sitting in my apartment at two in the morning, sweaty from bowling and the twenty minute walk back home. My house is slightly messy- only slightly because I compulsively rolled out of bed Friday morning to clean it- and messy because I still haven't committed to buying a broom. The plant I inadvertently stole is sitting quietly behind me, keeping our secret but rudely shedding leaves on the floor. Hence the need for a broom.
There's a tug-of-war that goes on when you know you're living somewhere for a year. Part of me wants to decorate this place- for my own satisfaction and also to cultivate the feeling that I'm living at home. The other part is unconcerned with my dwelling- because like most other things, it's transient. I think, however, that I will continue to keep my eyes open for discarded couches on the street, I will buy a broom, perhaps an extra set of chopsticks, and I will start to tape things on the walls. I may even foster a cat. I've been turning the issue over in my mind and really- why not love someone who needs it- and give them a home? Each argument I have becomes weaker and weaker- the price! The commitment! What if I can't find it a home! But- living alone is BORING, and I'm sure there's a cat- somewhere- in a cage- BORED- and I just may bring it home.
Apart from the surprising cultural setbacks and infinite amount of things to learn and the general mental and emotional adjustment of graduating college and leaving everything familiar (except for McDonald's and Snickers)- life continues to roll by. Speaking of rolling- here are a few interesting things involving wheels. Today when a motorcycle sped by me on an eight lane road at night with no headlight, and the driver wearing no helmet- I felt relieved that his bike was loud enough to wake anyone who might have been sleeping in a one-mile radius. Delivery drivers- however, are much braver. They are taking their lives into their own hands. With nothing but a metal box full of hot food strapped to the back of their motorcycle, they tear down the roads with no helmet- and no regard for traffic laws, especially red lights. After being hit by a motorcycle in Barcelona, I will not deny that I jump, or at least twitch heavily, every time I hear one whiz by. This morning while waiting for the bus (which I missed- I was not aggressive enough to attempt jumping on as he came to a slow roll) I noticed some little boys across the road riding bikes out of their apartment complex. All children in this city grow up several stories above solid ground, sharing rooms with their siblings, spending most of their life in schools and academies, and escaping to the parks to see trees and grass. It is second nature to them to balance themselves standing up on a moving subway and watch a movie on their Ipod. They all want new "Nintendo chips" and my students were all transfixed when I described my childhood treehouse. They couldn't wrap their mind around children having their own "houses" in the US. Anways- the boys on bikes. An 11 year old started pedaling and his friend skillfully jumped on the back of the bike and the zoomed past another kid- riding on the edge of an eight lane highway- against traffic. I watched his zig-zagging handlebars, jaw-dropped, thankful that most cars courteously moved over a lane or two. Kids have to make their own space in this city- and they do.
Today we rented bikes and rode to a park nearby. I was thrilled to discover we have a park- Ansan is actually a fairly large city and I think I'm going to get a bike soon. The one I rode today was for a child, no doubt, and when I tried to ride it up a slightly steep hill- the chain popped off- and it was faster for me to run and push it up anyways.
Last week at school was good- I hear such varying stories from all the teachers that I meet- a Canadian girl I met today teaches in a public school and she says she has to use a microphone to speak over her 36 students. Her co-teacher thinks it's fine for them to talk the whole time- if they want to learn- they will. I realized that I am teaching students who are quite privileged- they are the bright ones- the ones who either want to learn, or whose parents insist they learn. In the US there's a stigma that Asians are always smarter and more disciplined- but those are the students who travel across the world. They are privileged. There's a world here that I don't see- there are plenty of students who are disregarded because they can't learn fast enough. It's SO different from our educational system where we spend our time thinking up tricks to make learning exciting, and practically beg our kids to learn. BUT- I have no soapbox- I only want to help where I can!
Meagan and I went to the zoo yesterday- quite an experience- we actually took the subway to Seoul Grand Park, which is akin to the Central Park of Seoul. As soon as we climbed up the stairs and into the bright sunlight, we met two really nice women who immediately said hi to us. People who speak English in Korea are really friendly- and I think this is the kind of culture that is subtle- the kind you fall in love with slowly- the kind of relationship that takes intention and time and patience. I think it's easy to assume that people here should be the same because on the surface it all seems very similar- but there's so much to learn. SO.... I spent the day talking to Misun and Yongmi, asking them every question I could think of about Korean culture, squealing over zoo animals (I learned the word for "cute" because we all used it quite frequently- and they flattered me by exclaiming that when I said it- if they weren't looking they wouldn't know if I was Korean or not!), and discussing spiritual beliefs (it's strange how quickly these things come up!)- Christianity/Jehovah's witnesses.
Here's a few things I learned. In Korea, if a woman is even a year older than you- you need to call her "ani". (Maybe it means older sister?) Either just that, or say it after her name. Age is extremely important, and it is crucial that you are polite. You are almost always introduced to someone- you don't generally introduce yourself. For example, blind dating is unbelievably common. Either your parents or your friends meet someone that would seem to be a good match for you, and they then set you up on a blind date. I guess similar to arranged marriage but you make the decision. I feel like it would be quite enjoyable in the United States- I would see what my family and friends really thought of me- and surely come away with a lot of good stories. The older generation doesn't generally wear wedding rings, although they have them. A lot of them don't like the feeling of a ring on their fingers. When you are born, you are one year old. In January, you automatically add a year. So, everyone's birthday is in January. You celebrate it with seaweed soup at whatever other time of the year it really is, but in January, on New Year's, everyone eats this kind of rice cake/bean paste soup- and it "makes you older." So if you are a baby born in October, three months later in January you will be two years old. When you meet a new person, here are the general questions. "What is your name? Where are you from? How old are you?" They were SHOCKED to find out that it's a rude question in the US. Here, it's extremely important, because you need to know who to respect and how to speak to them. There are three different forms of speech I think, one for friends, one for elders, and one for ... the really fancy people, like the president maybe? (Except they all severely dislike their president- I abruptly found that out one day when I asked some question about the president and all the students said EWW!)
They shared their snacks with us, showed us around the zoo, and then (Maegan went home) brought me to this amazing restaurant. I was the only foreigner in there and we had some kind of stew that was almost like pot roast in soy sauce- chicken, potatoes, carrots, onions, zucchini, and transparent noodles. It was the most difficult thing I have eaten with chopsticks thus far. I think that's why even though we stayed there for about two hours, I was still hungry when I left- I COULD HARDLY TAKE A BITE! I was trying to eat chicken wings with brass chopsticks and a spoon. They're very concerned with their health here- they told me the chopsticks were "good for health" and that the food was "good for health". I'm down with that. The chopsticks here are always metal and flat. They are certainly more difficult than the ones I'm used to, especially when you're eating food that's somewhat greasy and it makes your chopsticks all slippery. Misun studied in Canada for a year and her mom came to visit her for six weeks. Family is really important here. She said her mom said "Please stay in Canada- don't come back- I want a reason to travel there." Then her mom was upset when she came home- because not only did she come back- she came back without a husband. Mom, don't get any ideas!
So I got back late last night and had quite an American evening with my coworkers playing Rock Band, I love staying up with them until four but the next day at noon I just feel so guilty... I still can't decide on a schedule. They crack me up. Sipping canned espresso at three in the morning. I'm sure the convenience store worker at GS 25 is puzzled my my frequent appearances; for some reason I feel like I need chocolate every day.
When I finally recovered this morning (at around 5- pm) I went to the park and met up with Maegan, and that's where we found the bikes, and met about five new friends. A Vietnamese/Australian girl, two people from Canada, a guy from Texas, a guy from Ohio and three Koreans. There's quite the expat population here, if you go to the right places- and I understand a lot of foreigners wanting to avoid each other so that they can better immerse themselves in the culture. It cannot be overlooked- however- that there are some amazing people who are not Korean. We all went out to dinner and I heard Michelle's crazy stories about how she used to nanny in the Hamptons, run with the Kennedy's, and live all over the world. She lived in India for six weeks- as well as most of Europe for about a year. She's been all over Southeast Asia and I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up traveling together after I finish working here. One of the guys lives in my building.
It's a hot and cold, bittersweet shock to me that I either feel intensely lonely or I'm surrounded by new people. If I want to meet someone, all I need to do is step outside. It fits me perfectly because I've always loved meeting new people- and this is overwhelming- if I want it to be. Everything is new and I'm trying to figure everything out- I'll either end up putting down roots with a few people, or getting used to constant introductions and questions. I like both. I think I'll have both. You make your own life here. You can dwell on your culture and your country and spend time feeling lonely and isolated- or you can leave and meet incredibly friendly people. I understand that for most there's a general fear of new interactions- I share it to a degree- but I feel like God has wound His arm up and just thrown me here. I'm searching for the balance between serving people, spending time alone with Him, and having community. I have most certainly not found it yet. Everything is, appropriately, foreign.
I have ways of thinking and believing that have been chiseled into me throughout college- I lived in the same city for five years, constantly immersed in the same culture- always searching for a way to show physically satisfied, emotionally hungry, religion-sick Southerners that Jesus is not a system. I felt content to have coffee with Christians and talk about our struggles in our pursuit to feel God's love and love Him; to occasionally spend time with people different from me; to pray for my co-workers and keep a smile on my face amidst the bitterness that comes with a job that limits what anyone is really capable of; to go to a retreat a couple times a year and sing songs and breathe deep of the honesty everyone finally reveals.... but that was a season.
There are no formulas here. No one is the same. We are all from different states, different countries, different experiences. I am learning the peace of enjoying people for the beauty they possess- the things God put in them- their love for nature or for animals or their abandonment in communicating or their drive to run and keep running- many have ran around around the world, and are here again. No one is more or less valuable because they understand me, or because they agree with my beliefs, or because they immediately seem friendly. I have to relax and open up and let people know me- (which is hard! I'm pretty prideful- I often make people dig- and that's not fair!) and I will learn them as well. It's not that the Bible is any different or that truth has become gray or that I am not good enough (which I struggle with- and I know constantly God is saying GRACE! GRACE! GRACE!- because I cannot convey to others without first accepting it myself) it's just that this is God's will for me and it's crazy adjusting to it. He has brought me community, a constant stream of people who don't know Him, and classrooms full of kids who are tired and stressed out, at even as young as nine years old. The other night in my high school class only four of my girls were present- and I had a moment where I was split between two worlds- I was drawing pictures of tectonic plates on the board and suddenly just wanted to drop the marker and sit down in front of them and talk to them about their lives. And that will happen. I've already started. I see it in their eyes that they want to know who I am- I hear their hearts when I read their essays about what they do when they're stressed (eat, get sick, shop, listen to music)... and the compassion I feel must be from God because it is strange and untimely.
SO! Life is good. It is real, so it is bright and harsh and sweet and painful. I don't have the comforts of home to numb me- and I'm thankful for that. I don't have a boyfriend here to load up with all my emotional needs, or a cat to cuddle with, or friends that see through what I portray (yet). I have Skype, and I have Jesus. And even Jesus would be enough!
I study Korean and French at night- living alone is both good and harmful- I dream up how I want to live my life- marry a musician and write music together, or stay in Korea and pay off my loans, or move to Nashville and teach during the day and play in bars at night, or get a TEFL certification and move to another country and teach English, learn a few more languages and become an interpreter, help refugees... but I also get frustrated with myself because I'm never learning, moving, growing, fast enough. It's funny that God is so patient and I can't even be patient with myself.
I think if anything I've realized that people can do whatever the heck they want. I would tell anyone who's bored or tired with their life to first pursue Jesus and second move somewhere that scares them. God created us in His image, we are capable of so much, it's why we dream- and years of criticism and cynicism and watered-down love and small-minded towns and people push that down- but it's not reality. There is a beauty in everyone that few believe in but that I only hope the people I love will see. Fear limits us from change. And not changing limits us from progress.
The experiences on the outside are certainly changing me- I've learned to bow when I greet someone, eat spicier food, and travel on the subway by myself. But those are all really small things compared to what God is doing- it's all invisible so I'm not really sure- but I do know it's profound. Thank goodness life isn't meaningless.
"If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city."
- Hebrews 11:15-16
Song.
Wherever You lead me I will go
When You say come I will follow
I will stop looking at what's behind
Cause life is short and I don't have time
to waste on the past
You call the faint of heart
And You make us strong
You hear the cry of the humble
And You lift us up
Everything I wanted before
Was just a shadow of something more
All of the love I thought I lost in my life
Was never really love
Cause Your love never dies
There is no fear in Your presence
There is nothing to lose that's better than You
There is so much we've been given
So open our eyes
We lift You up
You have saved us
Hey Audrey,
ReplyDeleteIt's Thuy. What a beautiful song you sang. Great blog btw ^_____^