A Chapter Ends, Another Begins

THANKS for all the prayers. You can still pray though if you don't know what I'm talking about scroll down one entry. So I had Ben yesterday and although he was a bit icy at first, he warmed up within minutes, raised his hand constantly, and wanted to participate so much and wanted my attention so much.

I don't know what he needs. I wish that I could love properly and achieve the proper results, but I think love is something you just have to throw out there and hope for the best with it. I feel responsible for this kid. I don't know why. I just feel like after seeing so much hurt come from him, I feel responsible for his hapiness as well. Any sensible person would tell me to back up and not be so ridiculous. I guess I should just keep praying for him, instead of worrying about it... I'm burdened with this. And I know we're supposed to throw off our burdens on God, but I still want to have compassion in my heart, and sometimes I feel like if I don't feel the weight of something how can I truly feel compassionate about it.

SPRING ARRIVED! It blew in like a late and much-anticipated houseguest, who got hung up in some strange country's airport but finally burst through the front door without any knock or bell, hurling its luggage to the floor. We walked out of work last night, and instantly noticed- green. Everything was green. The trees were flourescent. Pink and mauve azalias were thick against the buildings, bursting out of leaves as though they woke up late and had to rush out. The air is a concoction of humidity and the perfume of flowers. Tulips line the river, chasing each other in zig-zags of yellow and red. Cherry blossoms stretch out of trees like tiny ballerinas. The restaurants quickly followed the flowers, and the sidewalks of Ansan are crowded with plastic chairs and tables, full of people eating, drinking, smoking, grilling their dinner over laughter and carefree conversation. It might not be carefree. With this weather though, I think it is.

We went to eat chicken outside last night (I haven't done that since August!) and every single table was full.

When seasons change in Korea, there is no warning. There is no transition. Spring and fall are but a quick gasp preceding the giant exhale of extremity. I was wearing six layers on Saturday (not joking), and today, my jeans were sticking to my legs.

My flip-flops are on, I sling a jacket over my shoulder just in case, and my window is open. I can't believe it. THANKYOU GOD.

Today was children's day, which meant we had off work (so did the kids), and my friend and I rode bikes in the park. Lake Park is huge, with sprawling piazzas, tracks of green and red for walking, dirt paths through tiny trees, hills with benches, metal bridges that stretch far over the Ansan river, and fountains in the lake gushing up huge sighs of relief at their reawakening. If you looked at the park from an aerial view, you would see some scattered flowers, greyish-blue water, and thousands of shimmery black-haired heads, moving about slowly but determinedly like ants with somewhere to be. We weaved through two-year-olds in battery operated monster trucks (their parents holding the remote control, of course), tandem bikes, pig-tailed six year olds shaky on their roller blades, babies tottering towards their older siblings, tossing a ball up in the air, and a general mass of screaming children. You can rent a rickshaw and pedal it around. As usual I elicited more stares in one day than I've experienced my entire lifetime in America- children shyly waving and saying hello, boys shouting, "PRETTY!", and a group of older women that even stopped to exclaim "yepuda!" (pretty) in Korean. I thought they were looking at the flowers. I realized they weren't when they bowed to me. Right so don't worry I won't come back conceited or anything, but Jon explained to me the other day in his debriefing after China, one of the adjustments to be made in reverse culture shock is "the loss of celebrity status."

I saw two of my students. They were too shy to talk to me after they said hello. I wonder if they saw the nose ring and the tattoo, or just one.

So, figuratively, I fling my arms open wide to the heat. Bring it on. Ruin my hair with your humidity. Drench all my clothes with the monsoons that are coming. Force me to take a shower every day and actually do laundry. Nothing could be worse, than the cold, dead, brutal, grey, winter- wearing black every day, caking makeup over my translucent face, begging for warmth from within as I yanked my wool scarf tight around the turtleneck of my knee-length wool coat, not wanting to leave the house, questioning my sanity as seasonal depression threatened to knock me clear on my face... Nothing could be more welcome than oppressive, vicious heat, a good tan (I'm about to use my balcony!), no socks on my feet, and constant thirst for water or anything cold. I've been sleeping tight in the fetal position under two blankets for seven months. I'm ready to SPRAWL.

Everything is waking up. So am I. I have had more energy the past week than I've had all winter. I can't stop talking, bouncing around, I'm a fairly emotional person with changes as frequent as the weather but, I am deeply affected by my surroundings. To be overdramatic, my soul that was crushed under the ice of winter has escaped and I can barely keep up with it. I wonder what will happen in the next four months, because, you know, most things happen in spring... actually they don't. Sometimes they do. Either way. I have a feeling.