World Cup What!

Korea vs. Nigeria: 3:30 AM - 5:30 AM

I just heard a terrifying scraping sound and I dashed up from my nest on the floor to check and make sure my door was locked. This morning there were suspicious doorbell ringings and knocks. I didn't answer. Meagan has had to elbow drunk men out one too many times and I wasn't feeling up to it...

It was my cellphone.

IT'S 2:30 A.M.!!!

THIS WEEK. Oh... this week. I signed up for a math class to practice for the GRE (dream of the season spring/summer: go to grad school for international relations), and I'm behind a few days. Of course. But then again we had to do report cards for work. Which has consumed a good 5 hours of my day today, I think. Before work, and then after. 59 entries in which I grade "speaking ability", "reading comprehension", "fluency", etc... write down grades from every single day, attendance, then write notes after that. Tuesday I went to bed at 6 am. So I guess that would be Wednesday. This was due to the World Cup game- Korea vs. Nigeria, they tied... but the Koreans were screaming bloody murder (we were outside, who wasn't?) Wa stadium in Ansan was FILLED with parents and kids (yep, watching the game at the stadium, but not the one in South Africa). Every goal, or almost goal, was thundered over by "DAE HAN MIN GUK!" which means something like "Go Korea" and then some claps. One man in a blue cowboy hat was standing by a tree and frantically waving his Korean flag back and forth. We were sitting outside of a chicken restaurant, beside 3 other restaurants, and all the tables were packed. I watched the sun rise. I listened as the table behind us continued to order soju after 5 AM and argued with the waiter that they weren't serving chicken. THE POOR WAITERS. Standing on the sidelines haggardly, their red shirts wrinkled, blinking their eyes forcefully to stay awake and running like Pavlov's dogs at every bell that was rung at a table. Bless them. I have never seen a Korean server with a bad attitude. And none of them make tips. They run (literally) over to your table, nod their head at every command you bark, and never once make a face. Only a bow. Anyways. Wednesday was "teacher die". For me and my students. A lot of them were awakened by their parents at 3:30 AM, watched the game, and then slept for an hour and woke up to go to school. If they slept at all. WOW.

I've been reading Cliff's profile (WOOT! SHOUTOUT!) he's in South Asia right now... doing secret things like talking about Jesus to people and I'm not sure what else... and it's really inspiring. He gave up two years of his life to not make any money and serve people who have never heard about a God who loves them, to eat terrible food and make the best of it and probably throw up all over the place all the time, to get along with people who don't know him... to really live out the Gospel.

I feel really convicted just reading it. I'm terrible with saving money because I'm spending it on going out with my friends or buying a new tee shirt or taking a taxi because I don't want to walk or buying ice cream or WHATEVER. As much as I love Korea, it's been so challenging here with being diligent with my money. I want God to change that about me. I want to be more generous and share with other people and give stuff away and stop acquiring things and start getting rid of them.

I've never mentioned my friend Nicole in my blog but I think I will because she is one of the most generous people I've ever met (I've met a lot of those here). She is an amazing baker and cook and she cooks stuff all the time and then wakes us up at odd hours of the night/morning to bring it to us. Her undeserved gifts include: banana bread, carrot cake, lasagna, and coffee cake. She is persistent in being generous. She barely keeps anything for herself. She never begs for attention, she just has this calm presence that makes you feel like you could do anything and she wouldn't judge you. And she's generous. I want to be like that.

Also... yeah just looking at Cliff's blog, the rugged mountains and the poor women and the dirty kids... deep in my heart there's this desire to go there and serve those people and live that life... sometimes I'm so impatient with God for making me wait...

These student loans pose a problem I don't know how to handle, it's beyond my control, it can only be dealt with in faith, I can only hope He'll provide a way for me to do what I feel like He's put in my heart to do...

And I guess that's faith, hoping for something that you know is right but is also impossible. I've really prayed for contentment here and really pushed to do what I could here with what I have. I have classfuls of disfunctional students- covered in bruises from their parents and friends, physical and emotional. I have kids crying at the drop of a hat, telling me stories about the suicide rate of middle schoolers in Korea (bad test grades) Kristy telling me about her friend's brother who jumped from the 5th floor of her middle school 3 years ago, shouting "RESET!" before he jumped. Like in a video game.

He died. Bad test scores mean a bad highschool, means no future.... but.... isn't something better than nothing? I guess to them, no.

I pray before most classes. I know what I'm doing here isn't as amazing as literally saving someone's life... but sometimes I hope that God is using me to do that.

I told you about Rachel, right? Korean staff is pretty sure her dad is in the mafia? She told me a few days ago she was being shipped to LA for three months this summer for an English camp where they go to Disneyland every weekend? "Are you excited?" I asked her. She gave me the same indifferent look she's seen from her mother so many times, rolled her eyes, and said "No." She's 12.

THE WORLD IS JUST OVERWHELMING. Whether it's the impoverished in India who have never heard Jesus loves them or the suicidal in Korea who don't know about hope. I hope God is working. That's another thing I really just have to hope, to keep on living and doing what I can... and hope....

Every time a student leaves my class (to move to another city, another country, whatever), they tell me the day of, and as they walk out... I watch them leave, and think... "I hope you'll be ok..."

Yesterday Justin left. He was 12. He's going to Canada, by himself, for two months. From the bruises on his arm things don't seem too good at home. Ben left today. (The one I told you about a few months back? He used to hate me but now he's fine?) He's moving to a new city. He was so attention hungry, and told me some pretty unnerving stories about how his dad treated him. He wanted me watching him, helping him, by his side, all the time. Another one of the Korean staff told us today he's leaving tomorrow (tragic, this man was awesome, he made work SO much better. He cared. He loved the kids. He made them cry when they didn't do their homework. He supported us.)

I worry about them. I shouldn't. I should pray for them more. But people are like sand slipping through my fingers, and to be perfectly honest with you I forget to pray for them. I need to write it down on my wall. I might stick up some paper. I will probably still fail to pray for them, and eventually, the paper will fall, I will forget their names... remember their faces...

And I realize all we have with people is what we have now. Even if someone really bothers us. They might be gone the next day. So how do I want people to remember me? What do I want them to know? I can only pray and hope that I love people while they're with me, even if I barely know them.

IT'S 3! Thank goodness this week is almost over. I still have so much to do.....