Andy WHERE Hol?

1. 1.Korean Doorway in Winter

2. New furniture off the street again.

3.Jon in Classic Form

4. One of my favorite Koreans

5. Regular night in the subway station.

6.Mmm street food. But SO HOT.

7. Meagan helps Tim plan date-night.

8. Kuna and I proudly wear the matching hats we bought. I proudly wear her glasses.

Tonight I ate a calzone with cut-up pieces of hot dog inside. I told myself it was the best of both worlds, and ate it in between bites of sugar-sprinkled garlic bread. Mmmm Korean Italian fusion...

It's winter. I'm thinking about the future, doing math in my head, wearing out the same three sweaters and wondering when things will change.

There is a pet store below my apartment building. Every night four half-grown, extremely poofy cats lounge in the circular beds of their jungle gym and stare curiously out onto the street. They've been growing up for a few months now. Weeks ago, they were fluffy, clumsy, awkward-looking kittens with smushed noses and springs in their legs. My friends and I would coo over how cute they were. We still do, but I feel anxious for them... when is someone going to take you home? How big can you get in that little glass room before someone decides they want a full grown cat?

A few of my friends and I ventured to Insadong tonight to look at a rumored Andy Warhol exhibit. We found the subway stop, the museum complex, the venue... but no Andy Warhol. There were colorful scarves hanging from transparent strings suspended from the ceiling, and some colored plastic colanders glued to the wall, but then a few steps further and there was a bipimbap (mixed rice) restaurant and a set of stairs outside that led to a mall. We went into another art gallery, it was free and no one seemed to notice us come and go as we walked in and out of the rooms, done up with painted bubble wrap, Costco pictures with colors swirling in the air above the boxes, photograph-looking portraits of ordinary Korean people, furniture with each board a different color finish, googly eyes taped to a set of everyday-life photographs...

We walked up the one-way street in the midst of couples clinging to each other in sheer delight that they were out of their parents' houses, parents with overjoyed children glued to their hands (not in school), foreigners bundled up in their Northface coats and hats, and vendors busily flipping their rice-cakes or frying vegetables for hungry customers, rubbing their hands together as they waited for a cup of fish broth and some food on a stick. Hats were piled on tables outside of stores, gloves of every color folded neatly beside them, shimmery scarves hung from racks, promising no warmth, gold and silver buddhas grinned from between knives and fake coins. We went in makeup stores and I put on lipgloss while a salesclerk stood less than a yard away from me, quietly watching my hands as I picked up the tester, my mouth as I put it on, the bottle as I set it back, walking behind me as I continued perusing about the store. I just smile and let them follow me. I guess it's because I'm foreign, and they want to help.

We came back home on the subway, the heated metal seats half keeping us warm/ half burning through our jeans on the hour-long ride, people watching and being watched. Girls sat, their legs looking icy cold in thin black hose and high heeled boots, holding their charm bejeweled phones as their heads fell forward and their dark hair covered their sleeping faces, teenage couples played with each others' coats and pretended to fight, serious-looking men stared out from their sunglasses, their pointed leather shoes threatening to trip careless aisle-walkers. Middle-aged couples in windbreakers sat haggardly, hanging onto their trekking poles and looking satisfied after a day of hiking. A hunched-over old woman walked along the rows of seated people, waving packs of gum under their noses. She moved forward with struggle and determination, shakily attempting to lure the warm, seated passengers with her Xylitol mint-flavored treasures. At a certain age in Korea, you are forced to retire. Most of the security guards in apartments, trash cleaners, and beggars are old. For a country that has a reputation for respecting the elderly, I'm still confused about that. "She should be at home, sitting in a nice chair, in a warm room. Not out here," Meagan commented. I was thinking the same thing.

Friday night my coworkers and I were too tired to make decisions, and we parted ways after the icy walk home. It was 10:30, and we wanted to spend time together, but no one had food, we had no energy to do anything, and the only restaurants open at that time are chicken restaurants. We were even too tired for chicken. That's saying a lot! I stumbled home, stir-fried some beef and cabbage, skillfully heated microwave rice in a pot with a little water and a plate on top, took some cold medicine (thanks, kids), and sat on my heated floor, flipping through my notebook to find the page with pictures of how to find the movies on TV. I finally chose "La Strada", an Italian film by Fellini... it must be from the 40's. I munched on my cabbage, hoping to prove to myself that I indeed can understand a foreign language. I figured out what was going on. About 20 minutes in I noticed I was looking distractedly at my left elbow, and decided it was time to go to bed. I brushed my teeth and walked up the stairs, carrying the first Harry Potter, Survival Korean, and The First Days of School. I got as far as the colors and how to say this, that, and that in Korean, and fell asleep, encircled by open books. No need to worry, I don't have a cat.

I live at school this month. I drink coffee and eat toast in 10 minute intervals all day, covering it in various combinations of butter, jelly, honey, and cheese (the cheese is usually by itself). I bought stickers and wrapping paper at the store and have began decorating my bulletin board (the younger students are thrilled. The older ones said it looked too gold). I pray for bad classes and beg for good ones.

I've been praying about a job next year. I'm torn between doing something I love and not making any money, or trying to do something I'm not ready for and being more financially secure. I'm praying about it and I don't know what God is saying. Sometimes I feel like He's saying, "Make your own decision for once. You need to practice doing the right thing." That's what I feel like He's saying right now. I feel like He wants me to do something in faith, to seek Him first, to believe Him when He says everything else will fall into place- to try Him on that promise.

Before I came to Korea I was asking God what spiritual maturity is. The Bible talks about it and all Christians are going that direction and I wanted to know what it meant to be mature spiritually. From all the flipping through pages, I came away with this: It's the ability to distinguish between good and evil. To recognize the voices I hear and know which one is from God. To make decisions not solely based on practicality or emotion or even contemplation, but out of a spiritual instinct. Like choosing what to do next year. There are people reading this who are wondering the same thing. I think sometimes God wants us to practice listening to Him and choose. I could be wrong.

I ended up in the book of Jude today, and this is what I came across...

"But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. They said to you, "In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires." These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit."

I thought about how my own stupid decisions have hurt people in my past. Usually with a poor choice of boyfriend. I'd put him above my friends, and my family, those who loved me the most, because I wanted to believe the best in him and see it come to fruition... I thought about what divides us from each other. How the decisions I make affect so many people. LUCKILY it goes on to say...

"But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life."

- Jude 17-21

The love of Christ is so powerful because it takes everything wrong in our lives and gives it a purpose. His love gives boredom, or heartache, or loneliness, or hapiness, or excitement, or fear a purpose. My life is not exciting at all lately, but I go to bed content knowing that it has a purpose.

And without that, what is life? What is traveling or teaching or having friends or eating if not to just pass the time and give us something to talk about before and after it's happening? I'm doing a lot here. I'm realizing none of it matters if I'm not listening to God. So anyways, I want to be better at loving Him and loving other people. And if you're reading this, I love you, because I don't write these for myself. I have my own diary:) I want you in on my life, and all that God is doing, and how much He loves me, and you. La la la. Goodnight!